Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
