If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
