ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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