And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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