Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
