wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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