So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
