You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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