I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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