Buhtt sex?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
