you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
