Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
