My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
