Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
