she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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