Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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