She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
