it wasn't lemon gatorade
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
