If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
