I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
