I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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