Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
