I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
