I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Actions speak louder than pants.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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