Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
