I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
