Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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