you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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