Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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