I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
