Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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