i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
