This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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