I heard we made out
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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