Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
