I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
vagina is talking i cant
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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