All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
