I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
