I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
