am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
These tits shall not be calmed
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