remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
