I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
