So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
