if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
