The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
