Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Pooping to opera.
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