If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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