I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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