the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
