My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
