We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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