this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
