I think my vagina is haunted
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Is it because I queefed?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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